


Do you mean it?

by squishy (Snowingiron)



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: (because I can't write narry without zouiam or the other way around), Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Pining, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Tumblr Prompt, side zouiam
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-11
Updated: 2018-08-11
Packaged: 2019-06-26 00:31:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,186
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15652098
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Snowingiron/pseuds/squishy
Summary: There’s a guy in the park playing the guitar almost every day. Harry listens to him as often as possible. And that guy? That’s his soulmate. But from the words written on his arm Harry knows that he isn’t wanted. Or is he?(Soulmate AU)





	Do you mean it?

Harry has always known that his soulmate doesn’t want him. The words on his arm don’t leave room for any other interpretation and it took him a long time to come to terms with that fact. It’s not unheard of, that bonds are being broken even though the universe has decided that these people are made for each other.

 _I just wanna be alone_.

Harry absentmindedly rubs the pads of his fingers over the words while he waits in line at starbucks. He’ll be late for his classes but he can’t start the day without his favourite tea. He doubts his professor will understand but Harry will make up for it with a bit of extra work. He gives the barista a blinding smile, always reminding himself that his soulmate doesn’t want him, so he can do whatever he wants.

It doesn’t matter anyway, does it? He’s already carrying so much doubt with him everyday, all day. He doesn’t need that anymore.

The guy blinks owlishly and then blushes, like he’s not used to people flirting with him. Oh, Harry will get him soon enough.

For now he leaves and and removes the lid from his cup to blow over the hot steam of his tea, humming to himself. The song that got stuck in his head for a week now gets interrupted by the subtle sound of a guitar and Harry cranes his neck to find the source of it. There’s a park Harry has to pass on his way to his classes and close to the entrance there’s a guy with a guitar. The melody is quite inviting, uplifting, and Harry finds himself drawing nearer, unable to resist the pull. It feels like there’s a million things Harry notices at once. The guys faded eagles shirt underneath his jacket, his brown hair that matches his scruffy cheeks and the ridiculous blue colour of his eyes.

He’s tapping his foot on the ground as he plays behind the open lid of his guitar case, a few coins and notes scattered inside of it. When he suddenly flashes a smile at the small audience that has gathered around him, Harry’s mouth goes dry. He’s been attracted to people before but this guy is so hot Harry barely notices how he burns his tongue on his tea.

"Fuck," Harry hisses under his breath and then the guy opens his mouth to sing.

“ _Everybody needs somebody…_ " His eyes roam the crowd and suddenly settle on Harry who’s still pressing the back of his hand to his tongue. "... _I just wanna be alone._ "

Harry almost drops his tea. He stares, pain and the whole world suddenly forgotten as it zeroes in on the guy who just knocked the air out of his lungs with one line. He’s not the first person saying it but it’s the first time Harry has that feeling in his guts that this is his soulmate. 

His soulmate who doesn’t want him.

The song goes on, about kissing all the women and choosing solitary over any kind of romance. It stings even more now, in his heart, behind his eyes, and even the skin on his arm where his soulmate’s words have made him question himself for so long, feels like it’s being penetrated by tiny needles.

Harry leaves before the song ends.

*

"That sucks," Zayn mutters and hands the blunt over to Harry, who takes it eagerly and then squirms to the other end of the couch to keep it for himself. "Oi!"

"Be nice to me, I had a shit day."

"Could’ve been shittier."

"No," Harry insists and shoves himself over the armrest so his head is hanging upside down. He isn’t high enough yet to forget about the mess he’s in.

"Why didn’t you talk to him?" Zayn asks with a sigh and reaches for the bag of crisps on the coffee table.

"I told you about the song, didn’t I?"

"Dude, it’s just a song. Probably not even his own."

"I googled it, nothing comes up. It’s his song."

Zayn hums and shoves a handful of crisps into his mouth.

It’s been three days and Harry has skipped all of his classes because he can’t fucking concentrate. He spent the majority of his time in his room, getting his brains fucked out by classmates and strangers. It’s a routine, really. He just wishes he wouldn’t feel so sore.

"I hate him," Harry mutters and drags more smoke into his lungs.

"That’s valid," Zayn says and licks the grease from his fingers. "But do you really think it’s smart to have sex with random people to get over your heartache?"

"I said I hate him, I’m not heartbroken. I’m just angry. Very angry," Harry insists and the blood rushing into his head makes him feel nauseous. "Are you jealous? You just have to ask, you know."

When Harry finally lifts his head he can see Zayn roll his eyes. "No thanks."

"Yeah, it’s alright. You’re all happy with your soulmates, aren’t you?"

He can see how Zayn tries to stop himself from smiling too hard but thinking about Louis and Liam always does that to him. Makes him become all soft and romantic and Harry hates him because he wants that too. He always knew this kind of life wasn’t meant for him but _fuck_ , he didn’t mean to cry.

"Oh, Harry." Zayn moves closer and takes the blunt from Harry, ignoring his protests, before he puts an arm around Harry’s shoulder and let’s him sniffle and cry into his neck. "Maybe smoking wasn’t a good idea."

"But I wanted to get high," Harry sobs.

"I should get Liam, he’s so much better at this comforting shit. And Louis will get us all some take-away, yeah? how about pizza with tons of cheese?"

That only makes Harry cry harder. "I’m on a juice cleanse, you _dick_."

*

It takes about a week before Harry goes back to the park. His soulmate isn’t there on tuesday or wednesday and Harry can’t even look at himself in the mirror because he feels so pathetic. But then on thursday he’s back again, on one of the colder days. It’s early and his breath is visible, his nose a little red. He’s gorgeous and Harry wonders what made him hate Harry when they haven’t even met yet. Last week’s anger has been replaced by absolute devastation and he hides half his face behind a scarf while he stands there and listens to another song about a girl being on the loose.

Harry starts to think that he isn’t the only one who has been living his sexlife at its fullest. What words are imprinted on that man’s arm? Harry has thought about what he wants to yell at his face for being so selfish, for rejecting him, for making him stop believing in love and soulmates.

He only got some of that faith back when he met Zayn and Louis, the most chaotic couple he’d ever seen, the Bonnie and Clyde of campus who had found each other in nursery with the most innocent words on their arms (" _Can I use your green crayon?_ " and " _okay, but don’t eat it._ ) They then turned into the menace that they’re now. At some point, when Harry didn’t know them yet, they had taken Liam in as well. A good guy with a heart of gold who lost his soulmate when he was fifteen. He never met them, his words just faded and everyone knew what that meant.

Harry has listened to the story of how it happened a thousand times and he’s pretty sure that half of it is a lie but it’s a beautiful lie and he knows how much Louis loves lies. Zayn and Liam just let him, smiling fondly when he drunkenly rambles about how Liam, everyone’s favourite teaching assistant, talked their professor out of suspending them for vandalising the classroom. How he didn’t want them to make up for it. How he only made them promise not to do it again. How it all spiraled down from there until they gave Liam the shag of his life.

Harry has always been happy for them but their story also leaves a bitter taste in his mouth. Liam is loved fiercely by two people who technically aren’t his soulmates, while Harry’s own soulmate would rather be alone than with him. He wishes he could just walk up to that guy and ask him. He wishes Liam would stop looking so guilty every time Harry is sad.

None of these issues get solved today. Harry just drops a few coins into the guitar case without looking up. Then he leaves.

*

"Hey, I’ve seen you before," his soulmate says when there’s only Harry left to listen to him. He sticks out his hand, smiling his ridiculous smile that makes Harry’s stomach feel funny things. "I’m Niall."

The name rings in his ears over and over again. He has an Irish accent that is more prominent when he talks than when he sings and it makes Harry stare until Niall furrows his brows and drops his hand.

Harry turns on the spot and walks away, his heart screaming _NiallNiallNiall_ , screaming at Harry to go back and meet his soulmate properly. But Niall doesn’t want him, so there’s no use.

*

"How many times did you see him now?" Liam asks and puts the warm cup of tea down in front of Harry. It’s his cleansing tea and he could kiss Liam right now for remembering that.

"You mean how many times did he _stalk_ him?" Louis corrects and tries to pull Liam in for a kiss but he bats his hand away and sits down next to Harry instead with a concerned expression.

"I’m not stalking him," Harry scoffs. "Stalking would be if I was following him after his little gigs in the park or find out if he’s on Facebook."

"Is he?" Louis asks with a sly grin.

"No," Harry whines. "And I don’t want him but I want him to want me."

"It’s not easy," Liam mumbles and pats Harry’s knee. "But I think you should talk to him."

Harry shakes his head and plays with the loose thread of the cushion. "I don’t know what to say."

"It doesn’t matter what you say," Zayn says when he returns from the bathroom and flops down next to Liam, his fingers sliding over the tattoos Liam got not too long ago. New words that mean everything to him. (" _It wasn’t us_ " from Zayn and " _yes it was_ " from Louis).

"Yeah, it doesn’t matter," Louis agrees. "He’ll have it on his arm anyway."

*

"You’re back," Niall says after his final song, not as bright and joyful as he was last time, he just watches Harry curiously and a little warily. It’s the first time Harry stayed all the way through Niall’s performances, the first time he felt _brave_ enough to stay. It’s warm again today but Niall is still wearing his jacket and Harry can’t just grab his arm to take a look for himself. All he can do is stand there, in front of his soulmate, with nothing to offer but himself and he wants to be enough so desperately.

Niall sighs in defeat and shakes his head before he bends down to collect his money so he can pack up and leave. Harry _knows_ he has to say something. He thinks feverishly, sticking his head into the endless river of letters and words until he has to breathe and still comes up with nothing. He feels empty and nervous, thinks that maybe he can just string his whole life story together in one sentence to annoy Niall. Maybe that’s why he’s wearing a jacket all the time, to hide the novel written all over his arm. It kind of amuses Harry, and makes him smile, which is when Niall looks up again, about to say something.

He pauses when he sees Harry smile, irritation replaced with confusion and then Harry doesn’t think at all, not anymore. He just blurts it out, the question that has been burning in his heart ever since he asked his mum what the letters on his arm were saying.

"Do you mean it?" He holds Niall’s gaze and has their bond confirmed when the other boy flinches, his fingers twitching and reaching for his left arm as his eyes widen. But Harry is not finished yet. "It’s shitty, you know? When you grow up as a kid and everyone knows that your soulmate doesn’t want you. And I couldn’t even apologise because I didn’t know what would make you say it." He lifts his arm a little so Niall can see his own words on Harry’s arm. "It actually turned out to be worse than I expected. Didn’t think you’d give me a whole song about how much you’d rather be alone than with me. Do you hate soulmates? I know there are many who reject this whole ‘We’re meant to be’ concept but… Well, I guess I understand in a way. I just want to know if you mean what you said. I’m Harry by the way."

Niall is still staring at him like a deer caught in the headlights, everything else around them forgotten and Harry nervously bites at his bottom lip.

"Fuck," Niall finally mutters and takes a deep breath. "Fuck, I… I’m so sorry. Of course I didn’t… _fuck_."

He carefully places his guitar on the ground before he steps over it and pulls Harry into a fierce hug. Harry is so shocked he can’t even hug back. Niall actually smells of Harry’s favourite aftershave and his arms are stronger than he expected, almost squeezing the air out of his lungs. Like he _does_ want him. Wild.

"I’m sorry," Niall repeats and slowly pulls back, his blue eyes fixed on Harry like he’s scared to blink. "Let’s go get some coffee together, okay?"

Harry nods.

*

"So, you thought your soulmate was someone else?" Harry asks in complete shock, ignoring the cake in front of him.

Niall pours another bag of sugar into his coffee and nods. "She had my words and I had her words. A bad coincidence I suppose. I should’ve known sooner because her handwriting was a bit different form the one on my arm. And the tingling sensation you get when the words are spoken? I didn’t feel it. It all should’ve clued me in but I wanted it to be her, she was beautiful."

Harry tries not to be jealous but it must show on his face because Niall is laughing a brilliant laugh. "Don’t worry, you’re beautiful, too."

Harry’s scowl breaks open into a smile and he tucks his hair back behind his ear. "Thanks."

"Anyway, we were at the movies one day when a guy told her the same thing I did and she just blurted out ‘Do you mean it?’ and then… I don’t know. I could see it in their eyes and I could feel it in my bones. I just thought.. maybe it’s a cruel joke of fate. That we both have her words on our arms and she chose to be with him. It tainted my view on soulmates and I… honestly didn’t think you exist. So I started writing songs about how much I don’t care."

"You do, though," Harry finishes.

"Yeah," Niall says softly. "But I’d still like to… I mean..."

"Take it slow?" Harry asks and Niall glances at him with curious eyes.

"You know exactly what I think, don’t you? Even when I’m not even sure yet what to think."

Harry shrugs and finally digs into his cake. Fuck his cleanse. "Guess it’s because we’re soulmates."

Niall hums. They don’t say anything for a while, they just eat and drink in comfortable silence.

*

"So when do we get to meet him?" Liam asks with the biggest smile on his face. It’s almost like he’s more happy about it than Harry.

Harry just shrugs as he keeps typing on his phone. It’s been weeks since he talked to Niall for the first time and between occasional dates there has been a lot of texting going on. There isn’t any pressure behind it and Harry loves that. He knows people who get mad if he doesn’t text back within a day but with Niall he can just pick up a conversation from two days ago and it’s the most natural feeling in the world. It’s comfortable and nice and makes Harry feel good. Makes him feel… wanted. Because Niall makes sure to tell him that as often as possible.

_Niall: A customer just asked me which album of Shania Twain he should buy._

Harry smiles to himself.

_Harry: ‘Come on over’ is the BEST. The revised version of 1999 has a sick remix of ‘That don’t impress me much’ on it._

_Niall: I knew I could count on ya ridiculous taste in music._

_Harry: heyyyyy :(_

_Niall: don’t worry babe. That’s a good thing._

Harry suddenly sits up straight as a wave of heat his his face and creeps down his skin. He holds his phone in both hands, screen close to his face to drink in Niall’s words with the level of attention they deserve. They haven’t kissed yet, haven’t done anything more than a hug because Niall needs time, they both do, but it’s the first time Niall gave him a pet name. He thinks he likes that. He likes that a lot actually.

_Harry: Thanks, snookums!_

He stares down at his phone, waiting patiently for Niall’s reaction. The thinking bubbles pop up almost immediately before they spit out a response.

_Niall: Like I said, ridiculous. x_

Harry makes a strangled noise at the back of his throat when he sees the little kiss added at the end and falls back on the sofa with the phone pressed to his chest. Liam shakes his head fondly at him. It’s ridiculous, yeah. He’s a ridiculous person but he’s fucking in love and that’s a completely new feeling. He’s in love with his soulmate and it should be obvious, right? It should be a given, but for them it’s not.

They both had their troubles in the past but they never really gave up on each other. Even though Harry had thought about it, when he was watching Niall in the park, reluctant to talk to him at all. Because despite being so hurt, despite being afraid, he had wanted Niall to be happy and if that meant for Niall to be left alone, then so be it. He’s glad that he decided otherwise. He’s glad they found each other after all. He’s glad he deleted all of his sex contacts from his phone after he got home that day.

"So annoying," he hears Louis say from the other end of the room. He’s probably searching for his other sock. He’s always searching for his other sock. He sounds truly appalled but when Harry opens one eye to glance at him, he can see the huge smile on Louis’ face. He makes triumphant sound when he finds his lost sock and then comes over to ruffle Harry’s hair. "Being in love suits you."

Harry’s smile only brightens and he turns to hide his face in the cushions.

"Being _happy_ suits you," Liam adds softly.

"And I want them to be even happier together so Harold finally moves out," Louis yells and moves on to the kitchen.

"It’s a slow dance." Harry pouts. He didn’t know they desperately wanted to get rid of him.

"A slow dance," Louis repeats when he returns with his hoodie. Why was his hoodie in the kitchen? Actually… he doesn’t want to know. "At least it’s a romantic dance this time and not you twerking at everyone you meet."

" _Hey_ ," Harry grumbles and trips Louis by stretching his own foot far enough to catch his.

"Fuck you, Harry."

"Be nice to each other," Liam demands but gets completely ignored when Louis tackles Harry and they almost break the coffee table.

He loves his roommates. But he’d rather live with Niall.

*

There’s a tiny, cosy cinema near their campus that plays old films, like, really old films. Dirty Dancing and the like. Niall and Harry went there to watch Flashdance but left half through because they were a little bored. The right side of Harry’s face still tickles from Niall leaning in so close, his lips brushing against Harry’s ear to whisper an offer into it. An offer to take Niall’s hand and run away together, like some grand finale of their own rom-com. 

Now they’re strolling down the street with their fingers still entwined and Niall doesn’t look like he wants to let go. Harry wouldn’t let him anyway, because his skin is hot and the air is cold and the sky is clear, showing off all the stars.

They leave for the park because there isn’t as much light and they can watch the stars properly. They don’t say it out loud but both their feet take them there. Maybe that’s another soulmate thing. They stay there for a while with their heads tipped back and their eyes wide. Harry doesn’t know many of the constellations but they all seem to be observing _him_ instead of the other way around.

When Harry looks away he notices Niall watching him in the half-light. There’s a wet sheen in his eyes, making them almost sparkle and Harry can’t help but smile.

"What?" He asks and let’s Niall drag him closer.

"You know where we are?"

"The park, duh," Harry chuckles and when his chest hits Niall’s he dares to carefully wrap his arms around Niall’s neck. He likes that Niall is a little smaller than him.

"I usually play the guitar right here."

"Oh..."

He’s right. It’s where they met for the first time, and the second time, and the third time… until Harry had the courage to talk to him, to--

"You asked me a question, back then," Niall murmurs with an oh-so-serious expression that makes Harry a little nervous.

"I remember..."

"Never gave you an answer, huh?"

"You don’t have to--"

"I don’t mean it. I _didn’t_ mean it," Niall says and the breath catches in Harry’s throat. "I don’t wanna be alone, not really. I always wanted you and I wanted you to want me, too."

He still can’t breathe, instead his arms tighten around Niall and the tears pool in his eyes. He has waited for this so long. He never believed he could have this and now he can, Niall is right here, looking at nobody but him. Not that there’s anyone else to look at here...

"Of course I want you." Harry briefly bites at his lips and is too nervous to notice Niall’s eyes following the movement. "Have something to tell you first, though… I fucked around a lot. I thought if I can’t have you then I can have everyone else at least. God, I was such a hoe. So what I mean is: are you sure? I feel like I’m damaged goods or some secondhand sweater or--"

"Hey, don’t talk about my soulmate like that." Which… kind of shuts Harry up. He blinks at Niall, who smiles back so fondly. "First of all: you wouldn’t be secondhand, you’d be _vintage_. Secondly: I wasn’t any better, okay? I know people who waited to have their first time with their soulmate but I think that’s rubbish. First time sucks anyway if you don’t know what you’re doing. And I think… it doesn’t matter in the end, who I had my first time with. It matters who the last person in my life will be. My first time will pale in comparison, I just know it."

He grins at Harry, they’re both grinning, and Harry shifts until their foreheads knock together.

"Me. It’s me, yeah?"

"Yeah, you’re the one. I just really fucking like you."

Harry laughs. "I really fucking like you, too."

"Good. I’m going to kiss you now and then I take you home so you can show me everything you learned about gay sex. Because I only had sex with women so far. Christ, I thought I was straight until I met you."

"Oh my god," Harry moans and presses his lips on Niall’s before he can make a first move.

It’s a little too wet and their noses collide but that’s okay. They want each other and that’s all that matters.

*

Niall smiles when he shakes Liam’s hand. "Hi, I’m Niall, Harry’s soulmate."

Liam examines him carefully for a moment but then mirrors the smile. "I’m Liam. And these are my soulmates." He waves at Zayn and Louis.

"Two?" Niall asks in awe. "That’s amazing."

Zayn grins. "Yeah it’s sick. So what do you want to drink?"

Niall shrugs. "I’m always in for a pint or five."

"I like him," Louis says as he turns to Harry. "He can stay."

"He will," Harry shoots back without any doubt tainting his words for once in his life.

**Author's Note:**

> ohhh it's done! I love soulmate AUs I can't help it.
> 
> You're welcome to say hi to me on tumblr! [squishyharold.tumblr.com/](http://squishyharold.tumblr.com/)


End file.
